Posts Tagged ‘thoughts

18
Nov
09

There’s a possibility

Ilina, oh I miss you, really! :D If only we were in the same class again, that would be very gratifying. Miss talking to you. ): I really hope we can cross paths in S’pore.

My parents are having doubts about me and my sister going down to S’pore by ourselves though. I mean, can’t blame them, because our cousins almost missed the bus once. Customs sound particularly scary. With all the stuff about drugs etc, the idea of getting your bags checked and finding something that shouldn’t  be there is very frightening. Especially for someone who hasn’t journeyed out of her homeland before. I need something for reassurance. And my parents have a solution: getting us a chaperone.

 

Borrowed from Kitsune! Haha. (:

 

 

Not that chaperone. Just kidding. Our cousin Jason was the candidate, haha. Although I have yet to ask him that. He might have something else to do around that time…

Oh. So New Moon comes out on the 26th here. My bad. Or the newspapers weren’t being clear enough. I should really get around to editing Ethan’s ‘present’ and post it up here soon! I have been uploading a few works on to my Twitter lately. It’s also the place where I seem to get more personal with my updates there.

I hope I get to write some decent stuff this semester break. It’s the one time when I really felt at peace and free from all worries enough to sit down and think carefully. Any other time my head would be filled to the brim with tons for things to fret about. There isn’t a day which I don’t worry. If I ever have a clear head, it would be when I’m asleep. I hope things turn out okay. (:

13
Nov
09

Finally, a decent update!

So the page finally decided to load-after a couple of refreshing on my part. Anyway.

Was a bit disappointed on this photo I did for one subject, since it was one of the few works that I actually put effort into doing. And I was having high hopes for it. So much for that. After a whole upturn of events the night before, I suddenly don’t feel so excited as before. It’s sort of proven when you have high expectations for something it usually turns out horrible. At least to me.

It was a pretty quiet week, and I appreciate it for that. I could do with some peace once in a while. I totally forgotten to thank my lecturers yesterday-it was the last lesson for that subject. Whoops. But one of them caught my eye and nodded, so I smiled and bowed in his direction. Does that count? Haha. Sorry sir, but I was worn out towards the end of the lesson. Didn’t help that we have to wait super long for our turn as well.

It’s my actual update in a while! Now that’s saying something. I’m quite pleased with that, because lately I haven’t had the time to sit down and really plan out what to blog. Life has been doing that to me. Heading to a UK Education fair this weekend with Hwee Lynn. I’m pretty excited and also a bit apprehensive. I know that UK isn’t my dad’s number one pick (in fact, I have no idea) but I guess it doesn’t hurt to poke around and see. I know that UK is the top place for art and all that, but everything is so costly there. I heard that our local food there is crazy stuff. And I’m not referring to the taste. A friend suggested Japan, but we’ve to spend a year learning their language D: It’s not that I’m not keen about it, but that’s sort of a year gone, right?

It appears that I’ve a lot of adjusting to do when it comes to surfing the web with my phone. It’s so sensitive! And I’ve to constantly zoom in to hit the buttons because the loading page is so small.

I’m itching for a new book. Novel or art book, anything. But there’s none that catches my eye at the moment. Tough luck.

So thrilled for the Singapore trip! (: I finally get to see the world outside of Malaysia for once.

There’s this latest single from Leona Lewis that I particularly love. Because it feels so personal in a way. It’s called Happy.

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can’t have everything
Don’t you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don’t you love in vain
Cause love won’t set you free
I can’t stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i’m just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can’t let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they’re the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can’t stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i’m just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

Bridge:
So any turns that i can’t see,
I’ll count on a stranger on this road
But don’t say victim
Don’t say anything

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

 

29
Jan
09

Musings

Oh, hi. I’m finally back from my long-term absence. (: I wasn’t being absent, really, I was simply updating my other journal at DeviantArt. Sometimes it gets pretty tedious to have two journals, I mean you often get torn between which one to constantly update. Hence, the sudden absence.

Anyway, I have been away in Taiping for the Chinese New Year celebrations. Along with Jason and Amanda, we have to put on a brave front and persevere through whatever that is thrown our way. Actually, the pet peeves of CNY will be elaborated further on in another post. Just to be organized.

But apart from other none too jolly things, Taiping will always be a treasure trove of stuff to explore for city people like us. Who pops by once a year. So things come and go, and we even see new (drastic) changes, such as an awesome Tesco (haha) and next to it, Taiping Sentral-with a cinema to boot! That could be the first cinema in Taiping-ever since the ancient ones got demolished many years ago. I don’t know how people there can be deprived of movies for so long. Drive to Ipoh for entertainment?

We watched InkHeart there, so no complaints.

Jason and I also got around to recording this audio story of ours. It’s completely original. And it’s spontaneous. So while listening to it again, we caught moments of awkwardness like the occasional ‘eerrrs’ and ‘ahhs’ while we try to think of a continuation. It’s still in development.

But I’m still thrilled to be back in KL-mainly because of the homework that I had not completed. And also, because Victoria is coming! (: Do tell us when you are here.

17
Dec
08

Writing at the speed of a sloth

You wouldn’t believe the speed of the server I had to endure right now, while writing this. I originally planned to talk a bit about Beedle the Bard as well as… some more things, but then all plans were foiled when I realized Yahoo wouldn’t load. I would love to take a snapshot of how the wordpress page looks right now, but then I wouldn’t be able to post it up due to the snail-like speed. Frankly, I’d be surprised if this post even gets published. Is it just my house, or the whole server? Streamyx, fix it! ): 

There’s this huge Kuroshitsuji manga dump at OneManga.com. Well, that’s one of the few pages that actually loaded, so to speak. I can’t even go to Yahoo, imagine that. So assuming that this post loads, you guys should be able to read it. Sorry, I was being, tactless. And whoops, just when you think the page loads-the images couldn’t.

My story is still untitled, and chapter 3 is still pending, undergoing checks and severe editing from yours truly. Because I decided that if I want to get a story right at least, I should. So right now, I am tweaking the story line a little as well as buffing up certain scenes.

There is absolutely no show to see tonight. And to think we have Astro-it doesn’t really make it better. Well, AXN used to have CSI: Miami on at 10p.m. Then the season ended. And we’re all hanging on the cliffhanger, awaiting the followup with baited breath. Not everyone. Jason and Cindi are hoping that Horatio doesn’t make the cut, but if he doesn’t, chances are the whole show may just take a hiatus, right? Unless they do it like CSI. Bring in a new guy to the team. And make the rest of the team all shifty with awkwardness. 

Yup, the speed is irritating. You can’t do anything.

24
Nov
08

Hot and Cold

Being at home isn’t always the best thing to happen. But then there’s always some points…

Jason and Amanda went for this convention in Singapore. Sigh. Makes me want to go too. 

She’s one of my favorite stuff to look at! Online, that is. She is really a 16 inch doll which I fell in love with many years ago. And I still love her. She’s almost accurate, and her gown is handmade. (: Totally gorgeous. But she costs RM348. Sigh. Still, it’s cheaper than most stuff you see on the market right? My friend Florence bought a really creepy yet beautiful ball-jointed doll for RM2000+. Timothy and I were all speechless. He said that it’s a “barbie doll”, though I said that it is more than a barbie, but still creepy. We discussed about scary stories that usually end with dolls coming alive and killing people in their sleep. Gosh we’re scary. 

Oops. So Twilight actually comes out on November 27th, not November 21st. And all this while I was saying the opposite.

22
Nov
08

Standing from a distance

Sometimes I feel… I don’t know, invisible. But I’m trying hard not to think that way. I know it’s probably all in my head and that I shouldn’t let that get to me. Yet after primary school and high school, I can’t deny that it has affected me, although I don’t know just how serious the damage is. There is, a part of me that is incomplete and broken. And it is that source which I yield my poems from. I get inspired from sadness. I get wallowed up in it, and I make the best of it. So I can’t be detached from my grief, no matter how much I try. It will always be a part of me, and something in me accepts that.

Miss Invisible, Marie Digby

There’s a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she can’t find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she’ll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She’ll say…

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want
you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will
see why she waits for the day
When you’ll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn’t seem to
get past all the things that mismatched
on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left
and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she’ll sing…

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want
you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you
will see why she waits for the day that
you will ask her…her name

And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just
a little bit further behind…

21
Nov
08

Early wrap up of 2008 (part 1) and other misc. stuff

It’s that time of year again. If you are keen on finding out what exactly am I talking about exactly, this actually signifies a few things.

First would be semester break. After roughing our way through short-semester-hell, I think us ToA lags really deserve a break, regardless. Even robots need to rest to recharge their batteries. 

Next would be the arrival of Christmas, which in a mind map I will draw a few more arrows out from the sub-topic. Victoria comes to Malaysia again, and we finally get to talk to each other, face to face. It’s a great (and hilarious) experience, what not I only get it once a year. Would you believe it that we actually bonded over a comment one of us made over Ulquiorra (Bleach) on my friend’s chatbox? Totally out of character for me, but hey, this shows that you can make friends anywhere. I also received a fabulous early gift from Julian yesterday. Fabulous because Xmas is a month away, and fabulous because I know what is inside the box! (: Anyway, thanks man. Are you like the Santa Claus amongst your friends?

The end of 2008. 2009 is just peeking over the horizon, which a boost of new things to come. But the main highlight for me are the movies. The great ones this year are all at the beginning to the middle of 2008. Lets hope that next year will be evenly spread out. But there’s this thing about trailers that I must say. Had it occurred to you that trailers actually rock the film? And sometimes they bore true to their word. Trailers are not just a tease to fill you in and max your anticipation and excitement for the movie but it also (in a way) gives you an insight into how good this movie may be and does it uphold your expectations. Book-to-film trailers always rock. Of course, it’s their obligation to do so. And then the movie sucked so bad, you would wonder what was the director thinking at all in the first place. Trailers lull you into a false sense of security. They make you feel like you are in this posh, suburban residential neighborhood with the freshly kept lawns and the bleached garden fences, etc. And then reality comes crashing in on you with the vulgarities of the truth. So if you wish to see a Harry Potter movie (not like anyone hasn’t yet) or perhaps the upcoming one next year, you may as well satisfy your inner fandom by watching the thrilling 2 minute full trailer and be done with it. You might even be more appeased with the trailer.

If you ask, how do I even know all this? It’s common sense. And experienced movie-goers will know. Not me, but I happen to know someone who is so seasoned, so weather-beaten that he is familiar with all the tricks of the trade. He even taught me some, but sadly I don’t think my brain held them all. He is the kind of person who know if a movie is good simply by looking at trailers (unlike me) and whose standard of “awesome” is way above ordinary bars set by ordinary people (like me). In fact, his standard is so incredibly high, 90% of the movies shown in theaters (yes I mean all the movies at the cinema) doesn’t meet his specs. In fact, he has reached the status of movie-reviewer although he doesn’t blog like yours truly. He is more content with narrating them face to face, so I suggested that he pick up video blogging. It suits him. 

And since the webmaster of Stephenie Meyer’s site confessed that the movie is not as good as the book… you know what I’m trying to say. 

I had to confront my personal demon today again. Not in a literal sense; you would wonder why am I still alive and well today if I did it again. That in my world, means having to rely on public transport to go to and fro to campus. Actually my personal vendetta against public transport doesn’t spread all the way to cabbies, trishaws, the works. It’s just one particular bus that annoys the life out of me, and I’m sure everyone else who takes it daily. It’s more of the driver actually. Already famous for making the headlines in the Metro section of theStar, this particular bus driver decides that he should make some more. Sometimes stuff go on Metro if people start complaining; this is just the reason. You know at the Asia Jaya LRT station, buses stop there to drop off passengers, take a break and then pick up more people and get on their way. This dude takes loooooooooooooooooooooong breaks. Just how slow do you eat? Surely not 1 hour or more? Are you powered by the slowest internet connection in existence? Or are you a robot so old that your battery power is reduced by 99.9%? Today was one of those really hot and unlucky days. I waited so long that my stomach was rumbling in protest, the sun was baking the road that I could almost see some kind of weird oasis, and my patience is running thin. Heck, it always runs thin when I’m waiting for this bus. When he finally drives the bus around the corner, I was ready to nuke the thing Jack Bauer style. I was prepared to pit James Bond, the ultimate human wrecking ball of all things valuable and expensive against his lousy, scrap metal bus and see what could he make of it. I was ready to set our awesome lecturer Mark Teh against him and let him do all the talking on behalf of everyone. I was totally ready to walk home. Except that I’d die of heatstroke. Now you know why I hate going home. Rephrase: going home by bus. That bus.

Aha, my perspective assignment is complete! I’m doing a crazy jig-in my mind that is. Upon looking at my classmates’ work today, I realized that I’ve been a complete nut. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time on sweating out over this homework, but then something in me replied that since I had free time at my disposal (this time), I might as well make the best out of it. And yes, the human in the background who is pulling back the curtains. There’s a long story to that. Because he didn’t look like that originally. I wanted to draw Victor, after all, I did take the room from Corpse Bride’s concept art. But a few minutes into his hair and gesture occurred to me that Victor is either going to look gay or not resemble Victor at all. What would you have done? I sprang into impromptu emergency correction mode. And simply drew him into another non human who happened to share the same coat and pants. Woopdeedoo. Sebastian is going to ask questions indeed. Even Timothy knows all about Sebastian now. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Consider it neutral. My persevering, do-it-all, know-it-all, able to put James Bond out of business, and eye-scorching husband who really does know that I like to read and likes Italian food. To top it off, we hate children together. I know, I should be feeling absolutely blessed. 

Norah: (Refers to my bedroom drawing) So which side do you sleep on?

Me: Bullshit! DX

Which is entirely true. After all, I’m having no desires to share my bed with anyone. My sister used to kick the neighboring person in her sleep. Jason and I discovered that during Chinese New Year-many years ago. But you can say that she kicked us into a state where we have gone cautious and more wary. Enough to make oaths that no one shall share our beds next time. And very mature as it sounds, but technically Sebastian can’t ever sleep with me. Bonus point!

So hot the day was that while walking home I simply couldn’t resist stopping by 7-11 to get myself a Slurpee. Only heaven knows why this name was bestowed upon this drink. But even if I see Starbucks, I would willingly dish out the cash to get my hands on the sacred drink-anything to make the heat evaporate, or at least dissipate a little. Back to Slurpee. I realized that the cups made for the Slurpee drink is gone, replaced by the Big Gulp cups. But that’s not the point. I spotted a pile of cups that were pretty minuscule if you compare it to the other cups. Turns out that it was some new “mini Slurpee” that costs RM1. Are you serious? The normal sized ones cost me RM1.50! So which do you think people will choose? Best part was that it was only “available in Malaysia”. Why of course. Only Malaysia is nutty enough to go for such hare-brained marketing ideas. And if you buy this, and if you are Malaysian, you really are nutty. Go buy the big Slurpee lah. 

I know the night is still early, but I feel worn. As if I’ve ran the marathon. So allow me to go and breeze around some more, peaceful stuff. No, I’m not with Sebastian.

17
Nov
08

Sitting still

Jason stayed over at our place on Saturday night. It was an offer I simply cannot refuse after not having a sleepover for so long! In fact, that felt like forever. 

We went up to bed at 1a.m. but then we didn’t sleep yet. Jason and I watched Black Butler with the lights off. I was already having the chills when we decided to talk out ghost-related stuff. You can imagine, we were discussing the Bermuda Triangle and stuff like the Loch Ness Monster. All but the ghost ships really freaked me out then.

Cindi and I finally get to watch Sweet Rain (Accuracy of Death). The movie definitely had a different feel to it, as well as the perspective its looking from. Not morbid, but not exactly exuberant either. I like the cute dog, although his participance in the movie is only minimal. Takeshi Kaneshiro’s character is really weird and boring at the same time. While with his subjects he can be oddly naive and silly, but in his reaper self he is all business. And he kills anything he touches. So he wears gloves. Like a mime. 

I have class later, and needless to say, I’m terribly lazy now since this is the last class of the semester. I wonder if we will ever get our flip books back.

01
Nov
08

Turning to stone

I met Ni Juin on the bus back to Kelana Jaya. And it was a pleasant surprise. (: I haven’t seen her-especially her-since I left school last year. And she hasn’t been to any of our class gatherings, which was sad. But she is happy now, and I’m glad for her. I finally remembered to ask for her phone number. It’s such a short while, but that lifted my spirits for the whole day.

Going out to meet Jason soon. College is creeping up on me again-more weird dreams, strange, hilarious conversations with Norah, as well as the usual Herculean amount of homework we’re getting. Projects after projects. I just started on Heroes Season III: Episode one just now!

Sorry, Nicholas, I hadn’t had time to correct that grammatical error. And hey, this means that you English ain’t that bad as you think!

16
Sep
08

It’s too late, isn’t it?

I spotted a hilarious photo on the internet while browsing (for both 70’s music and House MD scraps) but I must refrain from posting it up here. At least for today. 

I realized that the topic of death and dying has always touched me. I run through a lot of things in my head, because I can’t help thinking that I might be the one to die tomorrow. I wonder if there’s enough time, to apologize and tell those whom I loved that I will always remember them. 

House MD’s Season 4 Finale concluded yesterday, and it was downright good. There’s so many small gems in this episode that I picked up along the way. There’s a spark in Wilson that we never seen before when he realized that he has to save the one he loved, Amber. Being seriously injured in a bus crash, she was transported to House’s hospital. Wilson, in a desperate attempt to prolong Amber’s survival while House’s team come up with a diagnosis, suggested freezing her body. House complies, to all of Wilson’s wishes, much to Foreman’s explanations.

Later in the episode, House is visited by Amber in his dreams, who hinted at her diagnosis. Thirteen takes her own blood to test for Huntington’s, a hereditary disorder. She was also hesitating to treat Amber, as she said that treating a friend clouds their judgements.

Against Cuddy’s protests, House agrees to make a sacrifice for Wilson and Amber, that is to undergo electric shock to his hypothalamus (!) to unlock his memories of the night of the crash. It was then discovered that Amber had a flu and was taking medicine to counter it. The pills caused poisoning in her bloodstream, and her damaged kidneys were unable to filter it from her blood. 

I’m very very moved, by the way how Amber’s death brought everyone slightly closer to each other. House proves that he has a heart by going all out to save Amber, and he does care. The final scene where Kutner suggests that they all say goodbye to Amber. Thirteen responds, “She never liked us,” but Kutner said, “We do now.” They did bid her goodbye by her bed, and a tearful Thirteen hugs Amber. She dies in Wilson’s arms soon after that. I strongly believe that I would’ve cried if I wanted to.

Taub hugged his wife the moment he got home, and I was sure that he loved her so much more after that. Thirteen regretted her dislike for Amber, and discovered that she carry the gene for Huntington’s. House too, felt remorse and his friend’s loss.

It was very emotional, and if you really don’t know what I’m blabbering about above, apologies for my long-windedness. I hated Thirteen and Amber (whom House referred to as Cutthroat B****) but I guess that kind of hate slowly dwindles? Doesn’t mean that I like Thirteen now though. Thirteen is obviously drop-dead gorgeous, stunning and what not at first glance. Amber is more of the scheming plotter who employs various means to get the job done. It takes more than just one episode to see Amber as she is. I’m going to write something. I feel the inspiration at my fingertips already.