Ever wondered just how torturous story boarding might be (if you haven’t done it)? Ever thought of anything far more disastrous than um, that previous apocalypse scene that you actually labored through in college? Ever imagined that if there could be another doomsday that might just test your mettle?
Well now apparently-you can has!
There is officially a movie that takes the top spot for being so downright destructive that it is nothing short of a supernova in my brain.
Try story boarding this movie and come back alive.
Introducing Transformers 3, Michael Bay’s latest offering from the robo franchise. To be fair, I wanted the movie to be good-in terms of story because evidently on the CGI side everyone has pulled out the big guns-pun intended. And not to mention, I defended-or sided with Bay on the fact that he owned up admitting that his 2nd movie was horrid. And that the 3rd one will be mercifully better.
And was it?
Let me just say, there is a scene where a small robot uttered a swear word while being stuck on a ship-that pretty much sums up the entire movie for me. Really.
I have read Roger Ebert’s review on it and listened to Jeremy Jahns. And personally I would agree with them on both counts. But here are my own thoughts on it, coupled with theirs.
The movie started off pretty strong, lying down the foundation of the movie about the moon conspiracy. Of course it involves the Autobots and whatnot. Next, the scene shifts to the Autobots blowing up a base in the Middle East (?) and to Sam trying to find a job.
It’s actually kinda sad to know that after all the accolades he could have gotten for saving the world (twice) Sam Witwicky is still jobless-with another hot girlfriend who is actually employed. Next we are introduced to a few cameo characters in the form of John Malkovich, Ken Jeong. I thought John M really stole the thunder in the scenes he is in, and Ken… I have no words.
Is there ever going to be an Asian character in Hollywood that lives past the one hour mark, doesn’t rely on raunchy humor to get by and is not a nerd? Yeah, you tell me.
Jeremy mentioned in his review of the movie trailer that if they took out the annoying robots and Sam’s parents the entire flick might end up being watchable. Apparently that didn’t happen, so I had to sit through two small autobots who were annoying as heck make lame jokes. I don’t care if Megatron squashes them like flies.
And yet again-story? What story? There isn’t really one to fall back on once you get to the climax where the Decepticons start to roll in and wrecking havoc on Earth. They even blew up the Abraham Lincoln statue. And next, they proceeded to take over a part of America in full Michael Bay style-explosions, toppling buildings and alien ships. I admit that the story flew away when the battle began. There wasn’t enough time to breathe, even. And we get oddly out of place monastery music that sounded like it belonged on the Da Vinci Code. Seriously, guys?
We really take a lot of pleasure in depicting our own demise, for some reason. Because this is by far the most stunningly done apocalypse movie ever. Even the smoking horizon from afar was just a sign of the mojo that the CG artists brought on with them to work. You guys get all the awards. If our world ends in a less-glamorous way than shown you reckon we’d be disappointed?
Not just the production team that gets the awards! I think John Malkovich deserves some credit for being hilarious. The scenes he were in gave me a reason to actually laugh at-don’t really recall any other funny moments in this film.
Er about the girl who replaced Megan Fox? While she is more likable than Megan, she doesn’t do anything else. Except pose as a potential hostage to make Sam’s life more miserable. Sam, hasn’t it occurred to you that with great power comes great responsibility? Have you seen what happens to Mary Jane in all three Spider Man films?
And that dragon robot which I thought was cool in the trailer? That’s because I only saw the back of it. It’s really a pseudo-dragon-bird thing that goes around acting as a killer messenger for the Decepticons. With a really horrid voice that made me drop all interest in it.
Jeremy mentioned that John Turturro’s role in the film was redundant. I whole heartedly agree. What I didn’t really get was Patrick Dempsey’s role as the evil human. He is McDreamy you guys! That doctor in Grey’s who makes you want to sigh and fall in love and touch his er, hair. Not in a RPattz kind of way. Alright I meant to say that I didn’t quite get him being evil because it didn’t feel right. It’s so hard to picture him as the annoying villain in this movie. But I quite like it how they played with his interest in cars and gave him a role that sort of emphasized that for a change.
Almost as if on cue there’s a Grey’s Anatomy commercial on television. Win.
The special effects were incredible-I think Michael Bay outdid himself by a billion light years. I can’t even comprehend the magnitude of work that went into making this a complete visual feast. Again, all the props to the people working on this film. As for the plot, there really isn’t one. It was difficult to even grasp a hold of anything at all as the CGI took center stage, overshadowing whatever was left of a story. If there was any great acting at all, it was shunted aside by artificial intelligence, quite literally. In all honesty, this movie left me with a very frazzled brain, like a lingering aftertaste.
Was it better than the second one? Well, yeah I guess. But that didn’t mean to say that it was phenomenal-it was messy all the same, but it had more glue compared to the previous film.
Proof that CGI won’t save any sorry excuse for a story-directors take note.
0 Responses to “Everyone’s Worst Story Boarding Nightmare”